I need advice... any cancer men here? I'm devastatingly heart broken.

topic posted Wed, February 9, 2011 - 9:10 PM by  christina
Hi Well I will give a brief background. I'm a virgo sun leo moon he is a cancer sun libra moon he is 30 i am 33, ok So we have been in an on and off relationship for a year. this is our fourth time breaking up. he always comes back... why I dont understand... so this time he says I love you but I am not happy Im sorry this hurts you but you have no idea how hard this is for me and honestly I dont know if things get better from here or not. I said if you Love me how can you leave me? he said because I cant tolerate 1.5 hours late in a long distance relationship it makes me angry and is hugely disrespectful. I said I promised to never be late again... he said your words dont mean very much right now. so I said maybe you could put things in perspective. he said thats what I'm doing right now. to that I said well I will try and keep things in perspective on my end and try and not be screaming mad at you for ripping my heart out because im late and your not happy, I'm sorry I'm just hurt. I hope you have a good week at work and please take care of yourself dont push yourself so hard and I hope your elbow doesn't give you to much trouble. I'm not going to contact you I cant be friends and I cant see you on facebook so I have to delete you. I hate this I really hate this.. that was it and he didnt respond.. I wonder if he will come back again im so confused I dont know if I handled it right.. oh please help with advice / insight.. It happened last night..
posted by:
Little Rock
  • I sent him a message the next day that said, I know I said I wouldn't txt you but I hate the way I left things. I don't require a response at all I just want you to know that I don't hate you, actually I'm not even angry with you. I understand that You hurt and angry and I understand why you felt you had to walk away. I grasp the gravity of the things I have done. when I said that I can't be friends and deleted you from fb it's just my way of coping. I love and miss you and seeing you on fb just makes it worse. I'm not saying I do not want to know you any longer I'm saying that if we aren't together then I need time and I'm sure you do to. so I just wanted you to know this just in case you didn't.
  • Cancer man here....and one that is heavily into zodiac relationships/tendencies of particular be honest, your story was a little hard to follow at times...of who said what...however, it appears to me that there's ALOT more going here, and I cant really make a fair assumption until I know what's wat......However, what I will say is that knowing my cancer self...yes, cancers can be quite sensitive as per what you described in your story. The only reason why he is acting like that is because he feels deeply hurt about something, and I'm sensing communication issues. As cancers, we devote 110% of ourselves towards the relationship, and if we feel we are being irrationally disregarded for ANY reason, we don't exactly take it lightly. But of course, since we view relationships in a VERY traditional way. Communication, married with authentic understanding is the key to our hearts! BIG TIME! So walking off in a tiff and ignoring your mate, saying one or two-word interjections like 'whatever' or 'I dont know', when it's painfully obvious, or even avoidance altogether are BIGGGG no-nos!!.....and its not to say that we're acting like babies, as capricorn/aquarius/aries/sagittarius folks may think, it's just we envision relationships for what the term implies, and we love with our whole heart..............When we realize there are issues still unresolved......(hence the 'coming back' part)......we will remain diligent and perservere...based not on our intention to drive you crazy for our own pleasure, but rather, based on how much we love our mates, in an effort to maintain the commitment we first agreed to.......why try so hard? because we feel that is what real love is comprised of...or plain and simple, we live by, 'If you say you love someone, you better back it up....and I dont mean chocolates!' Lol, those chocolates are metaphorical by the way....but yes, it's that, reinforced by all of the good loving times we have shared with the other person in the us, if 'we' worked in the past, there should be no reason why 'we' can't work once again....the only thing that needs to be addressed are communication, honesty, and loyalty issues in the relationship, which seems to be suffering apparently..................about the late thing...are you just late for meeting him or something? waiting does suck though...imagine if you were in his shoes...what would you think??...but explain that to him, so he knows you care....and remember, the key is not to be sympathetic with cancers, but rather, empathetic.....
    • He is Hurt and honestly I am not understanding why he is sooo hurt. I guess we are just different. I had promised to be on time as I have a problem with being on time and he had said that it bothers him it is disrespectful and hurts his feelings. I was an hour and a half late without calling. I have apologized a bazillion times but he said my words do not mean much right now in the face of my broken promise. he said he is tired of giving and not receiving and he can't stop thinking about me but I make him so angry sometimes that he questions why he does this to himself and that my behavior is a huge red flag.. mind you we have overcome much bigger things then this. I just wonder if these break ups are him trying to punish me or drive home the point of what he will and won't tolerate. how should I proceed. I have not tried to contact him since my last message that I wrote in an earlier comment. he has not contacted me either.
  • I’m a 1980 Cancer Monkey too. When was he born, late June or late July?
    • July 19th. how do you get along with virgo snakes? lol and do you do this break up make up thing? and if so what does it mean, and how should I handle it? I am close to just walking away. I honestly have never Loved anyone as much and therefore never been so hurt. and I am true to my sign as far as being highly discriminating so once I do find someone I deem worthy of my heart I never want to lose that person. so I just want to make sure I really give this my all..
      • I don’t think I know any Virgo Snakes. Yes, I’ve done the break up make up thing. For me I was angry/hurt/upset/disappointed at the time.

        I see where he is coming from with you being an hour and half late and not calling. That would drive this Cancer Monkey nuts and I would probably have broken up with you too especially if there are red flags involved. Cancer Monkeys get impatient when waiting for their love, affection, and attention. I would have seen that as disrespect too. But it doesn’t make it right.

        One thing I noticed, and this may just be me, is when you said “I don't require a response at all”. In my opinion you sort of closed the window for him to respond. Make it his choice without saying he has one. You leave that window open by not saying anything about receiving a response or not. I would take that as you don’t need a response so you don’t get a response or I will take my time if I ever decide to respond at all. It’s different then saying “don’t ever call me again” in the heat of an argument. Because once everyone calms down, you can call and make up in the right state of mind. If he thinks there are red flags, then by saying “I don't require a response at all” is a big one. This is my opinion, but you never know he may different and so may be the situation.

        His chart is a little more different planetary wise because by late July Mars moved into Libra and we have different Moons plus there are many other factors. I think he has Moon Conjunct Pluto depending on his time of birth though. The Moon and Pluto made an exact conjunction that day.

        Moon Conjunct Pluto
        • even if you say that you love this person you would be upset enough to break up?? the red flag is that when I was 20 I was a dancer. that isn't the part that bothered him. I told him that I was a waitress not a dancer. I said this to gauge his reaction to it so I could be sure he wouldn't judge me. this conversation was 8 months ago. so when I was over his house the same day I was late I was talking to him about it. I thought I had already told him the truth. but I HAD NOT.. so he got upset then I got upset I was embarrassed so I was going to leave. he asked me to stay and I did but now 2 weeks later he is saying he can't do this right now and he isn't happy and he is struggling with all of it. so Idk we have broken up over bigger issues but Never like cheating or anything. I am not sure if he is done for good this time. the last time we broke up we stayed friends on fb and talked occasionally and he was usually snappy with me. and we were both terribly depressed for the 2 months we were apart. I could see it all over his fb he stopped going out with friends he stopped working out he was miserable. but the break up was his idea. that time wo broke up because I questioned him to much about who this girl or that girl was and he felt untrusted. sometimes he does seem to be a baby but I try to be understanding of where he is coming from. so should I give him time or keep trying to apologize? we were doing really good over the past 2 weeks but then on sunday I asked if he was going to see me next weekend and he said idk because a friend of the family is sick. I said oh I see. he said thats why I hate long distance relationships because figuring out how to see each other sucks. I said yeah I know I haven't seen you for the past 2 weekends and we can't not see each other. he said "I know I don't function well this way either and thats another thing I think about when I think about us". and that hurt my feelings. so I said "well if you can't make me a priority then I can't do this. I cant go 3,4,5 weeks without seeing you". the next night I said so what are you thinking about us? and thats when he unloaded all this stuff thats been bothering him. so I said well what's that mean? he said well if you are gonna push for an answer then the answer is I'M DONE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE.. I said I wasn't trying to push but g** dammit I'm in Love with you and the out come effects me and my heart dramatically. he said I know it does but what you do effects me dramatically and you never seem to comprehend how much what you do effects me!!! he said you have no idea how much I'm hurting right now and honestly I don't know if it gets better from here..
          • I think I may have figured it out. I don't know if this will bring him back but at least now after days of reading and thinking, I realize that after the last break up it was very hard for him to come back to me for fear of getting hurt. so I sent him a txt that said can I ask you something? he said of course you can. I said I didn't really understand what you meant when you said you are sick of giving and not getting. I said I realize how hard it was for you to give me another chance and then I couldn't even show appreciation by being on time or calling to say I was running late or show true remorse for the lie. I said then these past 2 weeks you have been hurting and struggling with feelings of disrespect and I acted as if nothing had happened. I'm sorry.. he said well I'm glad at least you know I'm not a complete monster. Thanks for putting in the effort to realize what I meant. I said I never thought you were a monster, I just thought you were being ridiculously impatient. I said sometimes I don't pick up on things unless Its spelled out for me. I am glad that I know now so that I can stop feeling sorry for myself and feel sorry for my behavior. I mean I knew I was wrong but I just didn't realize the ramifications of my actions. and then I told him that I'm sorry I didn't get it sooner and I wish I could send my feelings thru the txt with my words and that I miss him terribly and I wish that I hadn't let him down. I then said good night Mr. ***** insert his last name.. and no response but regardless I know he cares for me and I know I did the right thing by letting him know I see him and I understand and am very sorry. even if he doesn't come back at least I have the understanding of who he is and how he feels about me.. **sigh** I am a bit of a drama queen I Know but I gotta say I am truly heart broken.. my chest is on fire and I am on the verge of tears all the time. and you cancers say you feel deeper then most other signs well I can't imagine. It makes me want to drive to him and pledge my undying devotion and promise to never offend again just to stop his pain.. but I am a well adjusted adult so I will not go pathetic stalker.. lol
            • DEE
              offline 9
              Hi Christina,

              Despite coming from an Asian culture that includes the Chinese zodiac, I've never really been a believer in its traits for some reason. Interesting that so many people do... I'll give it a deeper look sometime.


              I am a believer in the the weeks and cusps of each sign. Since your boyfriend's birthday is July 19, I suggest looking at the description of the Cancer-Leo cusp. has the Cancer-Leo cusp (known as the Cusp of Oscillation) as July 22-29, but most sources start it on the 19th, which I think is more accurate since it puts it squarely between the two signs instead of at the very end of Cancer. But does have a pretty good description, which I'll copy/paste at the end.

              As a cancer-leo myself, I see several things that seem to be in play. First, please remember our low self esteem and low sense of self worth. No matter how a cancer--any cancer, any date, any week--appears, we are a mess under the surface. A cancer-leo is perhaps even more unstable because the two signs we embody are constantly in flux and constantly fight each other. We can really hate ourselves as well as love ourselves, depending on how mature we are. So when someone we love is late, it speaks not only of a disregard for our time, but a disregard for our person. That is, we read that as you thinking we are not worth the effort to be on time, or that you simply aren't that excited to see us. In this reaction you can read not just the insecurities that plague a cancer but the insecurities that plague a leo that often manifests itself in the "look at me" overcompensating attitude so many leos seem to have, as well as the need to be worshipped. So, even if you put it in perspective, being late or inconsiderate in general toward a cancer-leo is a really, really painful thing.

              Simply put, words and apologies mean very little if they're not attached to something solid, something physical. That's why cancers love keepsakes, or letters, or photos, or whatever: physical evidence. Words, sounds... they're just air ripples that disappear. Consider for a moment how empty words are--the physical manifestation of speech. We often forget what people say, or interpret things incorrectly, or miss points completely. Communication in such a form can be harrowing. Now consider a cancer's memory. We are able to retain information because we associate memories with physical traits--the emotional reaction to an event. It's not that what you say is unimportant, but the entire physical context of what is being communicated--the entire event of the communication.

              If you're asking how to get your bf back in your life full-time, it may just take some time. My advice would be to back off a little bit, but keep the lines of communication up--perhaps not as much as you were talking before, but keep it casual, keep it light. See how he reacts. I'm confident it will flare up again. He may just need to recharge after the fight. BUT before you listen to me about that, I'd like some clarification. You stated that

              "...and that hurt my feelings. so I said "well if you can't make me a priority then I can't do this. I cant go 3,4,5 weeks without seeing you". the next night I said so what are you thinking about us? and thats when he unloaded all this stuff thats been bothering him. so I said well what's that mean? he said well if you are gonna push for an answer then the answer is I'M DONE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE.. "

              What exactly was unloaded? This is very important as it could breach a whole slew of issues that you haven't revealed to us.

              The interesting thing about Cancer-Leos is that we crave extreme situations. It stimulates us. The same way the two signs of Cancer and Leo are a polar extremes, our personality enjoys those shifts. We need the despair, the horror, the ugliness as much as the beauty, poise, and grace that is in Love. I wouldn't be surprised that many of us born on this cusp have bipolar disorders. What we need is someone that will stimulate us but is steady enough to take the extremes of the good as well as the bad that are in us. It's difficult, and it can be exciting for some to get involved with people like us, but it takes a very particular type of person that can stabilize us. Ask yourself how much you can take and if you think it's worth it. Does it get better? I sure hope so.

              Copy/pasted from :

              Individuals born on the cusp of Cancer (the fourth Sign of the Zodiac) and Leo (the fifth Sign of the Zodiac) are ruled by both the Sun and the Moon. These cuspians are witty, ambitious and sometimes, extremely unscrupulous. Indeed, this particular cusp combination frequently produces the most corrupt of politicians who attain eminence. These natives are experts at appealing to the various vulnerable points of their associates and the inherent daring ambition provides the power of securing for themselves the preferment and advancement to which they aspire, even though better individuals may, of necessity, be sacrificed to their progress. Nonetheless, Cancer/Leo subjects will nurture the family group and take pride in the warm hospitality they invariably provide.

              The Cancer/Leo cusp combination, also known as the Cusp of Oscillation, corresponds symbolically to the period of human life at around the age of twenty-eight. Of all twelve cusps, these natives most clearly display the split influences of two adjacent Signs almost opposite in their orientations. Here, traditionally feminine orientations (associated with the Moon) and traditionally masculine orientations (associated with the Sun) are combined equally in one single personality. Thus, Cancer/Leo males are likely to possess strong feminine sensibilities and Cancer/Leo females display an accentuated masculine side. Integrated in such a manner, these contrasting characteristics can result in a highly-balanced and healthy personality. However, when there is a tendency to vie for ascendancy, this cusp combination often produces wide mood swings which can cause immense psychic stress. It may be hard for others to know exactly how to approach these cuspians and those who know them well will frequently ease slowly into conversations, sitting quietly until the mood becomes apparent. Generally, it is difficult (if not impossible) to push Cancer/Leo subjects from one psychological state into another due to the fact that they are resistant to emotional manipulation. The water element of Cancer results in these natives tending to respond through emotion, while the fire element of Leo provides a more physical aspect to the character, coupled with a tendency to respond to the world by way of action. Thus, these cuspians are normally quite intuitive and will leap headfirst into life, refusing to fret over whether their latest goal is realistic or practical. However, should the situation happen to require drama or courage, then these subjects most certainly possess great abundance.

              Cancer/Leo cuspians love being on the "cutting edge" of innovative projects and activities, possessing the vitality and ambition to be successful in creative endeavors. Indeed, "creativity" is one of the keywords attributed to these subjects and their caring nature ensures that the benefits of their imaginative powers will help others. Although they may not necessarily be suited to the position of leadership, they are efficient and their application to the task at hand is admirable. These natives also know how to delegate authority and work within a team environment. They usually prefer to be in the "thick of battle" rather than be found "sitting on the sidelines," and those who can work with these natives as true associates and partners are often able to share in such experiences, thus penetrating deeply into this cuspian's heart and mind. Cancer/Leo natives set high goals for themselves. They are great thinkers and possess magnificent memories. By nature, these are immensely sympathetic souls...particularly to those in distress and will contribute freely and lavishly toward relief. Loyalty to friends is yet another admirable trait associated with this cusp combination. Indeed, there is no trouble or disgrace sufficient to cause these natives to forsake those to whom they have given friendship. Females governed by this cusp combination are frequently among the best wives and mothers to be found in the entire Zodiac. They are good housekeepers and excellent cooks, with a pronounced desire for "pleasures of the table." Indeed, all these cuspians (regardless of gender) have a strong association with food.

              Cancer/Leo natives are both emotional and traditional, often very interested in their heredity and ancestors. They are frequently prominent in the theatrical arena since their inherent flamboyance and love of attention make them natural candidates for fame. There is a tendency here for these natives to perceive themselves as the "center of the universe" and, sometimes, they are absolutely correct. However, often fascinated by their own brilliance and eloquence, Cancer/Leo cuspians may become self-hypnotized to the point where they consider themselves to be masters or mistresses of right or wrong. From high-minded reformers, they can turn into unscrupulous spellbinders and their self-confidence could cause them to ridicule their own conservatism. Once the Leo mind drops its idealism and falls prey to indolence or deceit, then the lunar forces of Cancer will take control in the worse possible way and stir the restless mind with jealousy. However, this may all be avoided by fostering the natural exuberance afforded by Leo and turning it to progressive channels. True Leo individuals born born during the early period of this particular cusp combination frequently rise high in such professions as medicine and law, as well as becoming fine educators. The reason for this is due to their human sympathies, which are strongly furthered by the lunar undercurrent supplied by the Cancer influence. Cancer/Leo cuspians often make excellent amateur chefs and some go on to make a career out of cooking. Since pleasure is paramount to this cusp combination, its natives are prone to sepnd money in order to feel good. Cancer/Leo cuspians enjoy physical exercise (which can aid to counter the stress inherent in the emotional nature of this blend) and there is a decided preference here to play team sports or participate in group exercise rather than any solo activity. In short, these natives are far too sociable to truly enjoy solitary running or any other form of individual activity.

              Here, the powerful governing influence of the Sun (which governs Leo), assumes almost total control over uncertain Cancer (governed by the flickery and fickle Moon). Nonetheless, this lesser force is present and can evidence itself, much like the Moon will occasionally eclipse the Sun. Individuals born on this cusp combination should basically consider themselves to be the subjects of Leo and strive to shake off any lunar weaknesses that could prove to be their undoing. If such natives become retrospective, then they should consider the past and its traditions to be nothing more than a guide toward a much greater future. Should the Cancer/Leo cuspian become moody, then he or she needs to "snap out of it" and think in terms of ambition. When this combination becomes sympathetic to suffering, it is important that immediate steps be taken to improve the condition or the brilliant and intellectual qualities given to this cusp by Leo may easily become warped or even dissipated. Cancer/Leo cuspians tend to go through life with a strong shell around that is not easily broken. However, such individuals are the first to express emotion in any given situation...the first to laugh and the first to shed tears. There is also a strong ability to see projects through to completion. Thus, they are good organizers and tend to be very popular or even inspiring individuals. These cuspians are prone to be more sensitive to the movement of the Moon through the Zodiac than are other cuspians and their mood frequently changes in tune with the Moon's passage. In essence, these are by nature normally gregarious, social, self-assured and fun-loving characters who live life with much enthusiasm. Usually domestic and peaceful souls, they possess strong emotional drives and refuse to sit still when loved ones are threatened. There is also a tendency in the character of this cusp combination to live in something of a fantasy world.

              With regard to relationships, Cancer/Leo cuspians rank high in almost every area...the gambit from devotion to romance. In dealings with business partners and friends, these natives tend to fare better with individuals who are even in terms of disposition...ones who are able to promote a peaceful and constant environment in day-to-day activities. Steady jobs, well-founded relationships and a dependable mate are vital to these natives in order to even out their constrasting moods. Nonetheless, they will most likely remain happy (to some degree at least) so long as someone is paying attention to them.

              The greatest strength of Cancer/Leo cuspians is to be found in their creativity and in their generosity toward others. Sometimes, these qualities will combine and result in an individual who provides thoughtful gifts or unique solutions to problems. In addition, blessed with an emotional orientation to life which makes them aware of the difficulties their loved ones must work through, this cusp is counted among the most understanding characters of the Zodiac.

              The most important lesson to be learned by Cancer/Leo natives is that they need to work with people who are not only highly competent and can carry their own share of the load, but that such people are able to understand these cuspians on a personal level. It is also necessary for them to learn self-discipline and try not to concentrate overly much on the past...instead, living for the present. Additionally, these natives should note that it is essential for their blood and digestive organs to be well-toned. As with all cusp individuals, these cuspians tend to be attracted to others born on the cusp...particularly those who fall within the Libra/Scorpio and Capricorn/Aquarius combinations.

              -- Possess the inward and sensitive traits inherent in Cancer --
              -- Possess the outward and fiery traits inherent in Leo --
              -- Tend to have rather volatile personalities --
              -- Prone to movement...both physically and emotionally --
              -- Life is prone to be focused on strength and grace --
              -- Often lacking in self-discipline --
              -- Apt to dwell on the past --
              -- Need to learn to live for the moment --
              -- Vibrant and energetic --
              • Well what I mean is that on sunday we we're getting along fantastically until I asked if he was going to come see me on the weekend. he said that he wasn't sure. and the rest I believe you have already read. His issues are that I over talked him twice, that I was late after promising to be on time and the lie. so that is what he is contending with. It did come out thru our conversation that when 3 college friends went to his place for the weekend he shared his concerns about us.. mind you I have never met these men. well they told him what I had done shows a HUGE sign of disrespect and is a BIG red flag.. I said you have know me for a year do you really think I intended to disrespect you? what happened was out of poor time management and a poor memory.@ so I think that the advice he got from friends is helping this along but we were still fine after their visit. it literally was not a problem until I said if you can't make me a priority then I can't do this. so the next day he said that he hates it when I am mad at him and that he is pulled in so many different directions and is having a hard time figuring out how he can please everybody. I said I am not mad I just miss you. oh about the 1.5 hours late I told him I was trying to look my best for him so he knew he was worth my effort and he said that was silly and that he would rather spend the extra time with me, rather than me off making myself "pretty".. lol I know it sounds juvenile on my part. so when I asked what he was thinking about us that's when he said he was sick of giving and not getting and that he doesn't have the patience for immaturity and lateness. so when I said where does that leave us? and thats when he said if your gonna push I'm done. so idk. I haven't talked to him today. I don't know what to do. how do I show sincerity without words when he is 2 hours away?
        • Premo,thank you so much for your input. further insight is always welcome and much appreciated. :D
          • You’re welcome Christina. I’m glad you were able to get back in touch with him for your own piece of mind. I think you did the right thing by telling him you understand. Just don’t let him hold you emotionally hostage, unless you like that kind of thing.

            I noticed in your original post that you say you have a Leo Moon now you are saying your Moon is in Cancer. So I took a look at your profile and found your chart in your photos section. I noticed some major syanstry aspects between you two that I have listed below.

            Your Moon conjunct his Sun:
            Sun conjunct Moon
            When the Sun in one chart is conjunct with the Moon in the other, there is an extremely strong indication of a powerful romantic relationship and potential for marriage. The Moon person is emotionally in tune with the Sun person. This relationship works best if the Sun person is naturally in a role of leadership. In a marriage relationship, this aspect shows a strong sexual attraction. In this aspect, there is some tendency for the Sun to dominate the Moon to a degree. In any event, the conjunction makes two people fast friends with a deep mutual understanding and appreciation of one another. The spirit of cooperation is significant.

            Sun conjunct Moon:
            What does it mean in a relationship when your natal Sun is in conjunction with your partner’s Moon? This Sun conjunct Moon aspect adds emphasis to the blending of your goals and life purpose with the emotional needs of your partner. This Sun conjunct Moon aspect can be very helpful in a romantic relationship and certainly in a marriage, where your understanding and affinity for each other will be naturally very high. When it’s your romantic partner’s Sun that conjuncts your Moon, you partner has a much easier time relating to your feelings and needs.


            Your Moon square his Moon:
            Moon square Moon:
            What does it mean to your relationship when your natal Moon is square with your partner’s Moon? You are not in synchronization with your romantic partner’s needs for emotional security. You will seldom experience the same feeling at the same time, and even when you do, you will instinctively respond in different ways. You can try doing it one partner’s way and then the other.

            Moon square Moon
            This comparative combination makes it very hard for you to understand each other's moods and emotional responses. You may be from very different family and cultural backgrounds. Your moods are sort of out of phase, making it hard for you to do the same things at the same time. It's hard to see eye to eye on family, domestic, dietary, and financial affairs. If the Moons are in cardinal signs, you may act impulsively without consulting one another. If the Moons are in fixed signs, you may disagree over stubbornly held emotional attitudes and patterns. If the Moons are in mutable signs, you may feel nervous and irritable in each other's presence and will bring out unpleasant memories.


            Mars square Mars
            This comparative combination shows important differences in approaches to personal action, professional ambition, and business affairs. Any attempts for one or the other of you to be in charge and order the other around, will meet with resistance and conflict. Outbursts of temper, and in extreme cases, physical combat can occur with this combination. Despite the abusive nature of this aspect, romantic relationships do often occur. Viewing from this aspect alone, these are essentially based on sexual gratification rather than on genuine love, and the relationship should have other positive traits to confirm its value.

            Mars square Mars:
            What does it mean to your relationship when your natal Mars is square your partner’s Mars? You and your romantic both think and express your assertiveness and sexuality in different ways. You can argue over it, exaggerating which one of you is right which will neither convert not satisfy either of you, or you can recognize that there are more than one ways to achieve your goals.

  • I'd apologize for not being able to approach this sooner, but a squad of highly trained and battle-hardened Crabs arrived on the scene. Hats off to you, Randy/Premo/DEE. :^)

    "the key is not to be sympathetic with cancers, but rather, empathetic....."
    I mean it when I say I couldn't have put it better myself.

    You did the right thing with that last post, girl. Asking him, empathizing with him and looking for the problem. My blunt fire-crab soul nods in approval.

    It's times like these that show just how much variance there is of astrological archetypes... I'm surprised how sensitive this guy is. I know exactly what he's talking about, but I'm surprised by which things are getting to him.

    There's a bit of hesitation on my part to lay this out, but I think it needs to be said. As amazing and impressive it is that you're so thoughtful, keep in mind that you've been hurt by this too.

    I don't say that to encourage vindictive thought. I say it to make sure you know you're worth alot. I say this definitively, as I've seen it in myself just as I've seen it in others: Cancer has a hard time seeing other people's pain when they believe they're feeling it themselves. It's hardly a lack of sympathy inside. It's just directed further inward. Not good.

    Alot of people, even just after hearing "This is our fourth time breaking up", would recommend you just end it. You certainly should look out for your emotional health. But writing off what you describe as love as an affectation is doing you a huge disrespect.
    You care about this guy, so I'll see if I can help even a little bit...

    There's plenty you CAN do, certainly, to improve your side of the table. That's true of anyone regardless of situation - a single human being is capable of including, improving, cultivating any relationship if will and sweat is put into it, somehow. But he has things he needs to sort out as well.

    I wish I could tell him that face to face, but such luxury is unavailable. He says he's hurt, one way or another... it's obviously from different sources. If he could put it into a single sentence, he would, but he cannot.
    But that doesn't excuse him from not making the effort to communicate.

    I've been in roughly similar situations in the past, when I was much younger and dumber than my current young, dumb self. :P One "relationship" (It was a friendship that had underlying sexual tension, we'll put it that way) comes to mind especially. It's one of my regrets... My behavior soured something I never realized was so great.

    I'd been friends with her for over a year, but that was a period of my early life that had many emotional holes - something I admit to myself much later. I was very much vulnerable to the whole self pity/paranoia/insatiable need for response that plagues so many horror stories of Cancerians. She was warm, clever, interesting and (as I learned later, with dismay) highly interested in me... odd as it sounds now. But she was also very reserved and very reluctant to express herself emotionally.

    These days that'd just trigger my empathy and patience, but back then I was needy and unwittingly selfish. I REALLY don't like revisiting this, but suffice it to say that I was a pushy, whining victim and ended up snapping her head off after a major faux pas. She was shocked at first, then angry and stopped talking to me. Abridged version.

    To this day I respect her for that. She felt extremely bad that I felt hurt, but she didn't take any abuse for it herself. I may remember some of the things she did deliberately in the past, but I completely understand her walking away. ...I just wish beyond wishing that I had a chance to make it right. Neither of us are the forgetting type, though... and she's across the ocean now. Even if somehow we met again... I don't know. I just don't.

    Is this guy similar? I don't know that either. We're two different books, even if our covers are astrologically alike. Here's what I want you to do though, Christina... Forgive yourself at the same time you forgive him. If you have to lay it on the line - that you were late for 1.5 hours (good god I'd be upset too but yeesh... something else is going on, mr. crab, and you know it.) for good reason, for instance - then absolutely do so. Establish the capacity for trust, respect and enjoyment. I'll bet you he follows suit.

    His grievances are not trivial, but how he approaches them is what truly lies in his hands. That's the lesson he needs to learn. If you want to help him learn it, your best bet, in my humble opinion, is simply to be the Virgoan pillar of self-respect and compassion you are. You know it, I know it, everybody that isn't Hobo Bob knows it.

    And even he'd be quietly impressed.

    Best wishes for whatever may come, love. Trust that your heart and your head are a team, not at odds.
    • Thank you so much Karl for taking the time to respond with your cancerian wisdom. ;) very helpful. I think I forgot about myself in the equation in trying to "fix" this. I have very little understanding of what's going on with him. from my point of view it really looks to me like he is being a big selfish baby.. I get that he is upset and hurt but I don't know he is taking it a bit far. in my opinion. I am tenacious and I sometimes think if I just stick with him it will all work out for us, But if I do not give myself what I deserve I know that when the dust settles I will be upset with him for what he put me thru and with myself for allowing it. He is in his shell right now, AGAIN and I can respect that but I need to know that he isn't gonna run off every time he gets upset or hurt. So for now I think my response is going to be to stop. stop everything like holding out hope, waiting around, and giving him all the power in this relationship. I know he will call me, I don't know when but he will. thats why he says I have nothing to say "right now" or I can't do this "right now". and thats what drives me nuts, as soon as I start to move on then he contacts me. argh. lol but thank you for listening to my rant. My friends all say just walk away and are not helpful. :)
      • cancer Man virgo woman..

        Tue, February 15, 2011 - 10:30 PM
        He Speaks.. and here is what he has to say.. and my purpose for posting this is that hopefully this info can help someone else in their relationship..

        "I don't know what to tell you...I can't do the spoon feeding anymore. I can't do the acting like a 5 year old anymore if I want a kid I will adopt or get a fucking puppy. You keep saying give you a chance, I have given you more than one chance...but you don't realize that. You take is as a personal attack even though it's not. It's just the truth. You say if I would just tell you this or that then things would be different...well the thing is I don't want someone I have to TELL all the time I feel this way or that...I want someone who knows when I give up what little free time I have in my life (weekend) to hang out with them that they got what no one else in the world is getting that day/night…my attention, my love ME!!! Not to be squandered away by fucking 2 hours of lateness not once, not twice, not three times, in fact I just stopped counting the amount of times you have been grossly late with me. Then to top it all off you try to tell me you did it all for ME…really? You wasted 2 hours of my life to primp for me? Then you do not KNOW me at all…That just happens to be the tip of the iceberg that is the mallet that has beating at my heart/mind. Then you proceed to tell me that you were ****… and after I tell you that you have NEVER told me this…you proceed to keep telling me how you told me…you are sure of it…and JESUS by the pure shock in my reaction a 5 year old guesses I had NO clue. But not you…you think I just want to attack you…and probably the nail in the coffin of it all is how do you handle dealing with the situation? By drinking a bottle of wine…not only is that about as classy as it gets but that pretty much frees you of all responsibility past that point. The more I think about it the more it kills me. The fact that you claim you need verbal this and verbal that…I’m sorry I come from the school of ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS! A school you obviously never attended or have no clue about. The amount of times you have PROMISED to work on not being late anymore because you KNOW how much it bothers me and what do you do? Show up 2 HOURS late! Do you even realize that’s 10% of a fucking day? I have very precious few hours that are spent stress free in my life, I realize this is my fault, but it’s a fact…and you are going to waste my precious few hours that I give to you by being late…can you even fathom that? NO actually you can’t you don’t have a pressure cooker job that requires pretty much every ounce of everything you have from the time you walk in the door till the time you leave…and then you try to tell me how you can change after you have been fed this knowledge more than one…I at this point think you are incapable of some changes…because that’s what the proof points too. You think I don’t love you or my love wasn’t equal to yours? You are sorely mistaken…you have no idea what it took as far as commitment is concerned to come see you the weekend I did…to meet your daughter…to put myself out there to one of the most important things in your life…I just have no idea how any words could fucking speak louder than that. You have no clue how valuable my personal time is to me…because if you did you would have realized how much my feelings were toward you"….

        this was hard to read and hard to process but at the end of the day For myself I am not interested in a person that has such a low opinion of me and likens my company to that of a pet or a child. Very hurtful..

        And he says he Loves me. well I say to that!!" if you love me and you can still walk away, How could you ever stay with anyone?? after a few mistakes your gone".. I Said" If you feel the same way as I do then I don't understand your self imposed pain with this break up".

        ( Personally I think I am just at the end of what I can handle).

        he said "I am not sure if I am done for good or if we can work thru this, this time"..
        so I said "well I hope you figure it out before it's to late"..

        and every hour that goes by it sinks in and I get angrier and angrier with the way he chose to speak to me and express himself with such low regard for me and my feelings.

        I said to him," so you think I don't know you? well do you know me? I took days out of my life to look at things from your perspective and I totally empathize with you. Have you taken any time to look at things from my point of view? have you tried to understand me and where I am coming from? or are you just to busy looking at what I have done to you, how I hurt you how I let you down. your just so busy looking at yourself and your own feelings, Like I don't have any and your the only one in this relationship and I am simply here to please you. you have me on a pedestal a thousand feet in the air and god forbid I fall off because with you there's no room for mistakes".

        And he said "I have no response to any of that"..
        hahaha My little Cancer and his avoidance of confrontation.. so I said Tell me your done for good. he said I have nothing to say right now I don't know what the future holds.. haha can he dangle me on a string or what...
        • Re: cancer Man virgo woman..

          Tue, February 15, 2011 - 11:19 PM
          Oh and I forgot to mention, Not that it makes it any better but I would have only been about 35 minutes late but I got lost and I did call him and he gave me proper directions. but was very snippy. plus I hit traffic. a lot of it. and it is a 2 hour drive. I was a total of an hour and 20 minutes late he keeps making the time longer and longer every time we have this discussion. I also stopped to use the restroom sheesh.. You would think that I ran over his best friend.. I have always had a problem being on time this is not a new issue. But I now understand that it is infuriating to him.. I really hate how he expects me to be psychic. like I should know how he feels about me because of signs here and there. no when you Love someone you say you Love them.. and he never had so how am I to know???
  • ...Wow.

    What a douchebag.

    "when I give up what little free time I have in my life (weekend) to hang out with them that they got what no one else in the world is getting that day/night"
    Yes, because your mere presence brings light unto the darkness, lo! And all the world dims in your absence! ... How old did you say he was?

    I can tell you right now, this is where I went wrong most of all earlier in life. Taking on that big martyr mantle and thinking about what I was "sacrificing", subconciously expecting some sort of bloody medal for it and getting cranky when it doesn't happen.

    It's the challenge of any human being to balance the knowledge that they are a unique and worthy person... and the fact that they are also still a mobile sack of meat and goo. Looks like this guy needs a reminder of the later.

    "Show up 2 HOURS late! Do you even realize that’s 10% of a fucking day?"
    Days and hours are arbitrary, near meaningless measurements of time.
    A human being is a timeless soul you have the privelege of sharing existence with.

    My dislike for this man grows with each tick of his precious clock.

    "because if you did you would have realized how much my feelings were toward you"

    So long as she fits into your schedule, of course.

    This man has said he loves you? Curious, given that he seems woefully unaware of what the word means. I can't imagine a relationship with this guy. He's no less Cancer than I or anyone else, and it shows in many of his mannerisms, but that "book" of his should probably be taken off the shelf. Moved away from mine at least, I'd personally prefer.

    Patience and understanding is my adopted forte, and what usually makes up the content of my preaching whenever I'm dolling out advice. But it seems like I should be advising him, not you - and he'd have none of that anyway, by the sounds of things.

    Christina, you and I don't technically know eachother. Neither one of us has proof the other isn't actually a mole-person from deep beneath the earth, come to steal us all away, for instance. :P But for all the musings of a seemingly random internet urchin are worth... I don't think this guy is right for you.

    I have no real right to say that, of course. But I'm judging by alot more than just behavior now. This isn't just an errant mood or undeveloped understanding, this is a very concious lifestyle and world view on his part that I find toxic.
    If you were a personal friend of mine, I'd be having a private chat with him right about now, unless you stopped me.

    Regardless of what happens between you and him, no matter what his behavior is like later or how your lives are woven... Make sure you stick up for yourself, girl. If he has a problem with you, he's more than capable of dealing with it as an adult, not flinging insults and accusations.

    If anyone's doing the spoon feeding, it's probably you.

    "lol but thank you for listening to my rant. My friends all say just walk away and are not helpful."

    You're welcome, darlin'. Your friends are probably doing their duty there, but I happen to like exploring the problem first. ;P Communication, yarr matey.

    "thats what drives me nuts, as soon as I start to move on then he contacts me. argh."

    Tell you what... Take my advice at your own risk and all, but honestly? I'd advise you try to move on again.
    If he contacts you again/intends to come back, don't make it easy for him. If he so badly wants to come by yet again, let him fight and mature for you. You're not worth the trouble he's causing you if he's not going to act his age.

    Tough love is all I see turning him around. Even then. You deserve someone who treats you with respect, hun. I'm just not seeing it here.
    • Karl you have me cracking up :D I am in total agreement with you. and I wrote him an email here is what I told him..

      "Thank you for comparing time spent with me to a being with a puppy btw..
      And it is bunk that you expected me to know how you felt about me from your actions when you say things like your looks have never been an issue but I require more then looks in a relationship. making me feel petty and shallow. or when you have NEVER TOLD ME how you felt.. that is a big one for me.
      I do not want to play follow the clues to figure out how Rob feels. save us both the time and me the second guessing all the time and just say it.. Yes your right actions speak louder then words. I get what your saying and I understand your feelings I truly do but at the end of the day you and I both know that you do not have to be so degrading with your words.
      I am not saying that you attacked me so stop putting words in my mouth. just because I have feelings and they get hurt does not mean I do not understand your overall point or that I think you are attacking me. we have previously established this issue.
      Also you have had girlfriends and I have no idea how you were with them I don't know if you verbalized your feelings or you didn't. I have always kinda felt intimidated by your past long term relationships because I feel like you do not view me in the same light, Like I don't compare. because when it is left up to me to guess I am not always gonna be the best guesser.
      You don't tell me things that you like about me so I assume you don't like much. that is just the truth of the matter, and it doesn't make me insecure or abnormal or unfamiliar with relationships. it makes me human. I need to know what you like about me and how you feel so I can feel secure.

      How do I know how precious your time is??
      and no I don't have any idea what it took for you to come and meet Marisa. YOU NEVER communicated any of that with me.
      I am not saying I need to be "spoon fed" but I am saying that I require a certain amount of communication in a relationship.

      ya know in the summer I kinda thought you broke up with me because you didn't want me involved in your summer plans.
      and Besides that how could I think you loved or cared for me or even liked me for that matter, you let me walk away.. so yeah Actions speak louder than words, but actions are up for interoperation also. every person analyzing the same data will come up with varied opinions..
      you say you don't know if we will get back together... well I want someone to love me enough to not be able to stand the thought of losing me. not someone who has to debate if he can tolerate me. not someone who for some reason just can't seem to bring himself to tell me that he Loves me and that he adores me and that he is happier knowing me. not someone who likens my company to a child or a dog or withholds his affection from me until I deserve it.

      Yes I am aware I have shaken your trust in me and that you are feeling insecure and unsure and you are maybe somewhat afraid of investing more in this because you don't want to be hurt even worse. But for Fucks sake I am not the hurting type... you are looking for mundane everyday things to try and re establish trust in me and see if you can depend on me. Well you are looking at my weakest point.. I have always had a problem being on time. I offer security in other areas. I am constant and devoted and long suffering and tolerant and compassionate and for the most part I am very patient.. maybe not when waiting for a response from you dealing with something that has to do with our relationship.. but aside from that I am a very even keeled person. I am a giver and a nurturer and if all that is not enough than I have nothing else for you. I have never asked you to change or put rigid standards on you.
      if this is just a matter of lateness problem easily solved.. when I am determined to do something it gets done the end. believe it or don't but I have no doubt that I can and would be on time. but like you said it is just the tip of the ice burg.

      so on to the next issue, me being a classless lush.. ok yes I agree wrong way to handle a problem and yeah it was not my classiest moment. but come on, now your going to assume that my drinking wine when I was upset is a red flag..
      you know I have to reiterate (not an excuse by any means) but that night would have played out much differently had I known how you felt about me.
      take that for what its worth think its a joke or ridiculous but that is the truth. I was so nervous and upset before I even got there because I was late and you were angry with me.

      Oh and I do realize you have given me multiple chances. But how do I know that all of your relationships do not go this way? like you break up and make up with girls and give more chances when you cool off. How am I supposed to automatically know that it was very very hard for you to do? how am I supposed to think I am different or special? I don't.. I don't think that. you have never eluded to that fact. I need to feel special. and my guess would be that you have not heard some of these things before from other girls, not because it wasn't the case but because not many people can or will verbalize there feelings so openly. So most likely the relationship would have just ended for lack of "COMMUNICATION"..

      I am not you, so I have a different opinion and different needs and the only way to deal with another human being different from yourself is communication.
      so if you don't want me because I require communication and you want someone you don't have to tell how you feel, than you "SHOULD" just get a puppy because I am not a dog and therefor need a little more than a sense that because your petting me you must really care for me.. because your sharing your time with me than you must really love me.. that is absurd... and unfair. and actually kind of insulting.

      there are girls that you do what it takes to hold on to them, and girls that just aren't worth the effort. I am the girl you wanna put the effort into!!!

      I Love you and want to be with you but in the end if that means that I would have to sacrifice my needs being met then no way I am not gonna do it.. there comes a point when You ask for more than I will give. I won't lose myself to have you.

      you are being to hard on me right now. I understand I really do, but for you to be able to just walk away from me, for you to just leave me dangling. for you to basically abandon me and the relationship, has me really wondering if YOUR words match YOUR actions..
      you wait till almost 3 weeks after the incident to break up with me.. that is what gets me. I don't understand that at all..

      you never have to wonder how I feel about you.. I profess it to you and anyone else in my life. I did not hide you.
      I don't even know if your parents knew you were dating me.
      I felt like a secret.
      like I wasn't good enough to be in your life completely. I understand taking things slow but it seemed to me like you did not want to bring the relationship out in the open because you never expected it to last. but I am supposed to judge your feelings on your actions right?? ok. well in my judgement you care for me, maybe even love me but not enough to STAY and not enough to even let me all the way in.. that is a pretty hard pill to swallow.. and if the shoe were on the other foot I don't think you would feel very good about it either.
      I am worth so little to you that it is inconsequential if you lose me. you don't miss me so much that you just can't stop yourself from txting me or better yet CALLING me.

      Telling me at the end of the relationship how you feel is just a kick in the face".
      • Christina,

        I did actually LOL @:
        "so if you don't want me because I require communication and you want someone you don't have to tell how you feel, than you "SHOULD" just get a puppy....."

        good point.....

        but more seriously, you hit nail on the head with this statement:

        " I won't lose myself to have you. "

        **standing/ applause**

        I think you finally gained the correct focus Christina.

        When it is all said and done....
        we do not chose to love and/or commit to someone because they are flawless,
        we choose to love/commit because we can't imagine NOT....
        • Thank you One... I Love what you said at the end.

          "When it is all said and done....
          we do not chose to love and/or commit to someone because they are flawless,
          we choose to love/commit because we can't imagine NOT"....

          so true..
          • I havn't been on in over a month Moon Sq Moon would give the two a lot of energy, could be good and bad. This would need to me addressed for sure. were you both get you emotional fuel (Moons) have a tension. Tension can make for fights and also great positive passion.
            U might want to look at your receptive Risings. Suns may show some common ground for compatibility, But the risings have to do w/ day to day functioning w/ each other.
            Cancer males need to be coaxed out of shells also any tensions will take them some time to work out. Confrontations will make us pull inward and shut U out.
      • I feel the need to reiterate the importance of looking at the whole chart and synastry aspects not just Sun signs. After reading what he and you both wrote, it is clear to me that this is a Moon square Moon issue. One more thing I’d like to add is if he sent you that message in private, I don’t think you should have posted what he wrote on a public forum.

        MOON SQUARE MOON (this works both ways)

        -You are not in synchronization with your romantic partner’s needs for emotional security.

        -You will seldom experience the same feeling at the same time, and even when you do, you will instinctively respond in different ways.

        -This comparative combination makes it very hard for you to understand each other's moods and emotional responses.

        -Your moods are sort of out of phase, making it hard for you to do the same things at the same time.

        -If the Moons are in cardinal signs, you may act impulsively without consulting one another.

        The importance of syanstry aspects should not be ignored. If synastry aspects are going to be ignored, you may as well ignore the fact that a person is born under any particular Sun sign. In my opinion this is not a Cancer Sun issue it is a Moon square Moon issue….