Cancer man: processing thoughts or simple dishonesty? Need advice!

topic posted Mon, April 27, 2009 - 4:23 AM by  wondering sc...
I met this Cancer guy during my trip to Asia this winter. It was a nice and sweet friendship: elephant rides, swimming together, shopping, restaurants, romantic walks, sweet talks. His English is terrible, but the connection between us was perfect – very emotional and we could read each others minds! No sex, no messing around even when we slept in the same bed (it happened twice). He is 10 years younger, and I did not want to spoil anything by moving things too fast. I felt we were getting closer and closer, I sensed he was pulling me away from the rest of the group, smiling, calling me “his girlfriend”, “princess”, “perfect woman” - outside I acted like the one, but inside did not take it seriously. Thinking back I realize I probably provoked his jelousy too because I thought he was too passive.

The actual nightmare happened during the New Year beach party – he smoked a joint and got into jail for it. I know for sure it is not his first joint, but the alternative was to leave him in this nightmarish Asian jail for at least 3 months or bail him out for 1000 Euro. Well, I preferred the last option, staying one more day in this hell would have killed him for sure.

He came back home safe, called me in January, spoke very emotionally, talked about his mom crying over what has happened to him, about his dogs, wanted to return the money, was concerned about it. This amount equals his monthly salary, and I did not pressure him. Than he vanished for 3 weeks and re-appeared in February writing that he has got the money and again – sweet, long, very emotional, admiring telephone talks. I told him I would have liked to come and visit him in April, and we agreed to move our communication to a webcam the next day (it was his initiative).

And what?? He never called and just vanished! It has been 2,5 months since I heard from him. He did not transfer the money, never returned my call (I left a message once), did not respond to my recent email with a slight reminder about the debt. He cut me off! He is still among my facebook friends and I can see he has been there at least twice during this time, so the guy is alive. But when I call (even from hidden number), I get the answering machine.

My mind is boiling while trying to find different explanations. Reading about Cancerians, I can see that they vanish when they "process" emotions. Can this take that long - 3 months? My question is whether he could have moved on and forgotten about me and the whole story? Do Cancers have a short memory and forget people so quickly? What could be the possible scenario? What is my best strategy? I feel like I have fallen for this guy, but am also feeling betrayed - and it really hurts! I am now considering secretly going to his town during summer for a language course and pay him an unexpected visit. Any suggestions? Help, help!
  • DEE
    offline 9
    he sounds really shady... i'd either make efforts to recover the money (that IS a lot) and move on, or just move on.

    from my point of view, i hate owing people money. i go out of my way to make sure that they know that i haven't forgotten, because i know it can be awkward to try and remind people that they owe money. every cancer i know is like that. we are very, very money-oriented, so if he hasn't paid you by now and made no communication attempts with you, then i'd be wary about the whole situation. if he's not going to man up and take care of his responsibilities, would you even want him around? trust me, this is a huge sign of an immature crab... and it seems that we don't (men, anyway) grow up till later in life.

    i know that if i have made a real connection with a woman, then i could never just 'walk away' from the situation as he seems to have done. but we also may act as though we've made that connection but in reality we haven't. the lubby-dubby stuff is great, but that certainly doesn't signify us holding on to you. it's just a step in a long, looooooong process to get a crab to settle down (emotionally). that's not to say that your connection isn't real, it's just that the initial attraction and connection can mean virtually nothing to us cancers(in the long term) as opposed to scorpios, where it seems that once someone has gotten through to you, you are, emotionally, exactly where you seem to be. once cancers are successful in expressing our feelings and the feelings are returned, we jump ALL over the person and it seems very smothering and like we're moving super-fast. however, we can just as easily turn it off once it's over if we haven't actually processed the connection and moved you up in our emotional priorities list. it takes time, and if he feels that you're not as important to him (despite what he may have acted like), then he may just feel like he can screw you over. but maybe i'm wrong and it's my sag rising talking....
    • "...if he feels that you're not as important to him (despite what he may have acted like), then he may just feel like he can screw you over. .."

      ... and life happily ever efter with his memory erased and no guilt conciousness? I wonder if it is at all possible... I thought Cancers have a long memory and never forget good and bad things others did to them.

      Will probably turn into hard drugs soon ...
  • DEE
    offline 9
    quick question:

    where in Asia did you meet him? He's Asian I take it? What country is he from?

    I'm Vietnamese (American) and owing money is a huge taboo in our culture, especially if you grew up in a 'traditional' household. people--literally--fear for their lives if they owe the wrong people money. i've had to collect money from other Vietnamese people before, and if they don't have it, i've had to go to their families, and they will pay. there are horror stories i've heard about situations like this. how old is he?
    • He is actually French, 27 y.o. I am also European. We met in Thailand where any drug abuse is considered to be a criminal offense. While it is perfectly ok to smoke hash in Europe (you can do it in the open in many European countries), in Thailand one can get several years of jail sentense. Basically this money helped him avoid experiencing at least 3 months in this hell and paid for a lawyer. For inspiration what it would be like check out these links:

      You can find much more, but I saw Thai jails with my own eyes and, believe me, it it scary... I could not have acted differently.

      I tried to call him yesterday and finally got through. We spoke a bit and he asked my permission to call me back in 5 minutes. Still calling... :0( A few hours later I sent him an sms that he should not worry about the money, that it is just paper and should not stand in the way of people's relationships. I hope it would wake up his consciousness better than any pressure or reminders - just continuing to be a good person myself and not pushing people away if they make mistakes. I am not going to contact him anymore...

      My guess is that he currently does not have the money and I doubt anybody would give him a loan. That's why he is hiding and not picking up his phone.

      In a way I feel sorry for the guy, he called his father when he was in jail asking for the money and got a response: "Well, I am in my country house now, planning to be in town in 4 days and will stop by the bank..." Really caring family he has got...

  • My Cancer BF always wants things to be right. Even if he needs to "process" he wants to talk about it soon thereafter. Forget people? He doesn't forget people, or connections. He's persistent and attached. From what I can tell from your explanation, there's something else at work and it's not astrological..
    Good luck.
    • I'd tend to agree with FD - something's not right there. Cancers dont easily forget people; though they might give off that impression, they're very picky about stuff like that as well as connections. Are you sure he's a cancer ?

      I would get your money back and stay away, I know it's tough to find great emotional connections with the opposite sex, but he seems disreputable besides immature
      • ok, french men are considered incredibly suave romantics. Now pair a french guy with a Cancer Sun sign...and you've got the makings of ridiculous out of this world romance--at least for the moments of intimacy you share with them. Mine was French and Polish; and boy did he conquer me...every single moment.

        If you decide to continue...proceed with caution. They get lazy. I though the same as you, the obvious stuff doesn't matter as long as you have a connection. Uh, yes it matters. Why should you settle for less than what you want. And don't forget that if they know you will likely eat a gum off the floor if they ask you, they will know they can manipulate you. And we Cancers are not above manipulation.

        This guy seems shady, please please please be careful.
        • Polish+French is a dangerous mixture! French are at least a bit more straigt forward, they like to brag and are quite outspoken. But the polite Slavic gentlemen Polish traits are hard to catch.. Double smoothering :0) Danger!

          "And don't forget that if they know you will likely eat a gum off the floor if they ask you, they will know they can manipulate you. And we Cancers are not above manipulation".

          I demonstrated him that I won't eat a gum off the floor when he tried to pressure me to take my PC on a ski trip in order to chat with him on webcam. It was back in February. He sounded very upset that I did not reply to his message IMMEDIATELY ... After that he just disappeared... I don't understand. What's going on in this guy's head?? Just forgot about my existence or playing hard to get?? Maybe some immediate life's probs: no internet, no money... It's sick when it is so wishy-washy, makes me angry! My cancerial girfriend is currentlyu doing exactly the same stuff to me in the past months.
  • a song comes to mind... You got to spend some time, love, You got to spend some time with me, And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart...
    • he does sound very shady, I wouldn't be suprised if he doesn't have that job he's talkin about, sometimes we can momentarily have something beautiful with somebody real ugly.. plus he sounds like a wreck and unstable.. you're lucky in a way.., if he's a cancer man and he's disappearing from you and you feel like he may be avoiding you, my guess is that it's own purpose because we just DON'T forget people or anything and real feelings don't go away so fast either... that's a lot of money to waste.. can you take him to court for your money?
      • I called him on Monday and finally got through. Exchanged polite greetings and then I asked him whether he read my emails. He just went on whining about life: his building is being taken down (it's true), no internet connection at home, cannot find a new apartment, and most importantly, he has NO FAMILY! Then he asked me if he could call me back in 5 minutes... and it has been 5 days already ... no call of course...
        Interesting observation: we both pretend to be just friends that everything is ok, but each of us feels that another has a hidden agenda and secretive stuff which he/she doesn't want to share! It's also funny when we talk to each other on the phone - word's don't really matter, what matters is the emotion, the tone of voice and ability to read the other person's mind.
        So instead of threatening him I decided to beat him at his own game: wrote a sweet sms that money is just paper and I don't want it to stand on the way, that I miss him and would be happy if he stays in touch, added warmest hugs. Well, if a baby is so unhappy, what can a good mamma do? :) Threats won't help the one who is already scared and avoiding ...

        I sort of started getting a clue of what is going on. There could be a number of reasons he is avoiding me (put me on track if I am off):
        a). did not manage to get the money as promised and ashamed of himself. He tried so much to impress me when we were in Thailand, now he feels bankrupt; b). cannot travel to visit me (not in control!) and the relationship might die away anyways - why even try?; c). it has been 4 months since our last meeting and 2 mos since we talked on the phone - he probably moved on and have other, younger targets d). although we look of the same age, we still have 10 years gap between us; e).different social status: I am a business lady, 3 university degrees, teenage daughter, he is ... well.. typical Frenchy-intellectual: no education, part-time warehouse job, amateur sculpturer, dreaming about opening an antique shop... f) MARIJUANA is back!

        Ask me what I found in this guy? No clue... I did not feel alone INSIDE when he was around, so much harmony, mutual reassurance. It was a pure soulmate relationship, we have not even kissed, it would have been too scary. His English is terrible but we spent days and nights together and I never felt bored. I completely mellowed out: a tiger turned into a cat... We shared dreams with each other, talked about travel to some exotic places, played fantasy child games on a sunk ship, slept in the same bed, ate from each others' plate, he picked dresses for me in the shops, I wore his pants and t-shirts ... Like a good old romantic movie... I wonder if his memory vanished by now... Is it what you call "cancerian smoothering" ? I wonder was is special for him or he would do it to many other women that come his way...

        I decided to finish this story: already signed up for a 3 week French course 130 km from his town, just want to see the whole picture with my own eyes. If I get disappointed, I will cut this link off immediately. It is not about money after all...
  • Unsu...

    I went to to look at this crabs chart using the birth data you gave June, 23 1981. I used 12pm for time of birth and Paris France for birth place. He has Cancer Sun and a Pisces Moon.

    I’d say from what I have read here and looking at his chart he is processing his thoughts. It may seem like it is simple dishonesty but he has a complicated way of processing things from all the hard aspects in his chart. As for the question about him forgetting about you, I see no chance in that (0%), he remembers it all trust me.
    • Unsu...

      Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

      Fri, May 1, 2009 - 4:00 PM
      Here is a description of a Cancer Sun with Pisces Moon. I’m also including some of the major aspects I found in his chart with links to the descriptions.

      The position of the Moon in a horoscope is second in importance only to the position of the Sun. In astrology, the Moon is indicative of personality, individuality and the unconscious. It represents instinctive reactions and the side of an individual that will respond to a given situation without prior thought or consideration. Based upon the theories of Sigmund Freud, it is the id, whereas the Sun sign of an individual is the ego.

      In many respects, the Moon personality is one which a person keeps hidden and may even represent a nature considered to be somewhat disturbing, uncivilized, primitive or animalistic. In short, the Moon personality is an individual's inner core...the area which experiences hate and jealousy, is brooding and fearful and may indulge in fantasies that a person will deny even to himself or herself. Nonetheless, this Lunar influence is usually a somewhat subtle one, relating to a personality which is beneath the surface. It can also reveal much regarding the manner in which an individual was nurtured and cared well as how he or she perceives his or her mother.

      In a horoscope reading, the Moon modifies the Sun sign, bringing into play new forces, different motiviations and special elements to the character of an individual's Sun sign. The effect of a person's Moon sign can significantly decrease or increase the tone of a Sun sign. Since the Moon itself is feminine, its influence seems to affect females more strongly than it does males. In the man, the strength of the Moon influence tends to indicate senstivity more than any other facet of the personality. The Moon travels through all twelve Zodiac signs during every twenty-eight days.

      The Pisces Moon is a senstive and creative Moon, being artistic, intuitive and most probably psychic. This Moon is most assuredly a dreamer. The Pisces Moon keeps emotions hidden, although the inherent extreme sensitivity makes this Moon sympathetic to the plight of the less fortunate and may lead to community service. The Pisces Moon feels all things deeply.

      In general, the personality of those whose Moon sign is in Pisces indicates a character driven by emotions. Whatever appeals to these persons will attract, literature or poetry, for example. These are individuals who change their minds very easily and to others, will sometimes give the impression of unreliability. When the "going gets tough," those ruled by a Pisces Moon will become discouraged. They adore change and any form of routine seems to literally drain the life from these persons. There is an easygoing nature here, but there is also a tendency toward shyness. Overall, the Pisces Moon is not perceived to be a favorable influence, often associated with glandular problems and obesity. On the outside, those governed by this Moon appear to be quite happy, but inwardly there is frequently depression and even a distinct lack of a sense of humor. At some time during the life of those who fall under the jurisdiction of the Moon in Pisces, hospitals, prisons or some other type of institution is almost certain to play an important role in some fashion. However, this aspect needs to be put into context and perspective with the rest of the individual's horoscope before any definite conclusions may be drawn, and it is vital that these subjects not become discouraged. The Pisces Moon can be one of the most appealing, sociable, entertaining and humorous of all the Moon Influences dependent upon other factors. There is a flair for music here...either composing, writing or simply listening and appreciating the art. These are emotional and romantic souls with creative ideas, a strong imagination and a desire to make the world a better place, although there is a distinct distaste for anything which is ugly or disharmonious. Perhaps the major key word for the Pisces Moon individual is sacrifice. If the need of another is perceived to be greater than that of the person governed by this Moon, then he or she will willingly give all he or she has to the person in need. These people possess a strong psychic awareness and have the ability to pick up on subtle signs and signals that others might miss. The greatest danger for a person who falls under the jurisdiction of the Moon in Pisces is the tendency to become a martyr and allow personal needs to fade into insignificance. Boundaries are difficult to define by these individuals and they could easily be guilty of getting involved in the problems of others without being asked...although the intentions are always of the highest caliber.

      The Cancer Sun/Pisces Moon combination produces a highly fluid nature with much emotional depth. These subjects store a constant flow of impressions and their instincts and hunches are usually extraordinarily accurate. The polarity here indicates a personality which blends harmoniously with personal individuality while accentuating the emotional nature. In short, these persons will be mentally receptive and impressionable. Cancer natives governed by a Pisces Moon possess an extremely peaceable and amenable personality. They are invariably agreeable souls who are rarely found on the wrong side of an argument, being both friendly and diplomatic. There are usually no fighters associated with the Cancer Sun/Pisces Moon combination. Indeed these are such affable and pleasant souls that it is sometimes difficult for others to determine where these individuals stand...or even how long they are going to stand there. This is not to infer that Cancer persons who are governed by a Pisces Moon lack ideas. However, they would rather keep such ideas to themselves rather than run the risk of producing conflict and/or turmoil. The practical or political sense is so exceedingly clear to such Cancer natives, as is their ability to apply tact to most situations, that they are usually assured of personal success in most endeavors. Nonetheless, it may be necessary to develop self-confidence and more willingness to act on personal hunches and the highly accurate intuition which is inherent in this Cancer Sun/Pisces Moon blend. Cancer subjects who fall under the jurisdication of a Pisces Moon are likely to be suspicious of others and are prone to keep many secrets locked inside. In fact, these are rather self-protective persons, inclined to be defensive and considered by some to be overly-cautious a good deal of the time. However, it is due to these traits that such Cancer natives are very able to protect themselves from designing people. Never easy to fool, Cancer individuals ruled by a Pisces Moon possess a good business sense and the ability to drive a good bargain. They can be popular in a rather broad sense with groups, but are likely to remain somewhat suspicious and overly-careful with regard to more personal contacts.

      Some Famous Cancer Sun/Pisces Moon Personalities
      * Kathy Bates * Carson Daly * Oscar de la Renta * Missy Elliot * Erle Stanley Gardner *
      * Deborah Harry * Sean Hayes * Helen Keller * Freddie Prinze * Della Reese *
      * Ginger Rogers * Jennifer Saunders * O.J. Simpson * Alex Winter * Kristi Yamaguchi *From-
      • Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

        Sat, May 2, 2009 - 7:12 AM
        So true... Except from the place of birth, he is from Marseille. Would it change the whole picture?
        Lives in a fantasy world (actually most of the time, it's quite visible), very strong psychic abilities (we discussed this as I myself "suffer" from similar sympthoms like prophetic dreams etc.), intuitive (on day one he told me a few things about me and it was shocking how anyone would ever find out), art (sculpture), literature, poetry (he would just go on quoting Charles Baudelaire or whatever came to his mind at the moment), "easy going and tendency toward shyness" (perfectly true!), "a distinct distaste for anything which is ugly or disharmonious" (very true!! "The world is coming to an end", everything should be perfect, smelling like orchids, flying angels, no violence, no wars, no "low stuff").

        Now I feel a bit relieved because I started to doubt I could trust my intuition about people at all! I was in great pain because of the disbalance: my heart was telling me one thing about him, but his actions are so disappointing.... I am inclined to think that it is MARIJUANA that ruins everything and there is no way out for him. He is just ashamed to face me because after this Asian nightmare he does not have enough will power to quit.

        What would be the best strategy to deal with such a person? Am I doing the right thing? Should I just wait? Is it a good idea to visit him in France? Should I just continue to being acceptive, opening my arms and forgiving? Give him more time and space? I gave up thinking about the money issue, I actually don't want it back. If you do a good deed, throw it into waters...
        • Unsu...

          Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

          Sat, May 2, 2009 - 6:38 PM
          Yeah it won’t make a major difference using Paris or Marseille. If we where to do his exact chart we would need his actual birth time and use Marseille.

          Because of the conflicting energies in his chart I feel that you should try to help him focus on his positive qualities. He has the potential to be successful in and out of a relationship. He knows this and feels it but some of the hard aspects bring tension and insecurities that can make him have a negative outlook on things. He needs someone he can count on and believe in and that believes in him. He is a very deep emotional person with trust issues who will guard his sensitivities and have a fear of getting taken advantage of. If you’re going to be that person he can completely trust it has to be made known to him and he needs to understand that you deserve the same. Remember you have to protect yourself also and do what’s in your best interest.

          I think it is a good idea to go visit him in France, I mean if it’s not to far from where you live. I think you should get in touch with him first and let him know you are coming to visit. I think if you surprise him he may think you are looking for the money you lent him and that may lead to him avoiding you. Be honest with him and tell him why you want to see him. This is also a good way to see where he stands with contacting him about visiting him in France.

          Good luck out there, it looks like a really difficult situation. I hope it all works out for the both of you.
          • Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

            Sun, May 3, 2009 - 12:07 AM
            Thank you for looking so positively at this messy situation and good piece of advice. You basically speaking from my mind. That was all I did - kept revealing his best qualities to him and providing support. It felt so great, I was reading him like an open book!

            The only problem I see here is that he vanished, does not pick up his phone, never answers emails and messages. If I text him about my trip, he might ignore it as well. Perhaps it is better to call when I am already there...

            I am still wondering: why he does not have enough respect at least to return my calls? I called twice in the past 3 months and emailed twice... I would ignore someone like that only if the person is abnoxious and I am completely not interested...
            • DEE
              offline 9

              Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

              Tue, May 5, 2009 - 8:50 PM
              it really seems like you're holding on to this perfect image of him and really want to look at the bright side

              unfortunately, and i think this is why a lot of women on here complain about us cancer men, you should take some things at face value and really step back and assess it. i realize scorps like to analyze things to death, but we're not that difficult. if he's acting shady, immature, and completely avoiding you, you should NOT go to these lengths (emotionally and literally) to keep this relationship alive.

              if he was interested in doing so, he would make the effort. when we want someone and that person has pretty much given us the go-ahead, then we go straight at them and smother them. if he hasn't, then i think it's probably a better idea for your own well-being to go ahead and let this one go. you can't change him. cancers are not susceptible to other people's manipulations, no matter how well-intentioned they are. we change at our own behest.

              i really dont' think you should be looking at this fellow in any sort of optimistic light. sure, you had a great time. but that was then, and so much has happened since then that you're setting yourself up to get hurt. for your own sake, let it go. if he has felt anything, then he will get in contact with you when he gets his shit together. if he is a scumbag, then good riddance. don't obsess, for your own sake. (i know, that's just about impossible to tell a scorp...)
              • Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                Wed, May 6, 2009 - 2:54 AM
                I am not expecting a relationship, I just don't want to think badly about this person. I was myself rather stupid and immature in his age. But I would avoid labeling somebody without knowing all circumstances and his mental stage. I know well that he is a good-hearted and great person and nothing will make me change my mind. One should never give up on a person.

                But I take it as a good lesson for myself on learning how to forgive and not to judge after doing someome a big favor. As a rule I don't want to think negatively about people. We all have our moments, nobody is perfect...
                • DEE
                  offline 9

                  Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                  Sun, May 10, 2009 - 6:44 PM
                  you're absolutely right.

                  nobody is perfect, but that doesn't mean bad news magically becomes good news. it takes time, and, from the information you have provided, it doesn't seem as though this is a good situation for you. and no, one should never give up on a person--but does that mean you should make huge changes in your life for someone you just met? and at what cost? your own emotional happiness? --for a fling in another country? someone that's that screwed up right now? someone who might not mature for several more years?

                  it seems like you're ready to give this guy the moon when you really don't know him. you have an emotional imprint of him, but that doesn't mean it's a good situation for you.

                  to be honest, he's the same age as me, and i'll agree that we guys at this age are not super mature or anything, but responsibility and reliability should be there. it is very irksome whenever a friend or acquaintance does something so ridiculous or acts in such a sleazy way. he should just man up and do what he needs to do.
                  • This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.

                    Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                    Mon, May 11, 2009 - 4:12 AM
                    I completely agree with you and you seem to grasp it quite well. This situation is even more damaging to me than I have described and not because of my feelings about this guy or anything. It raises questions about my own abilities to make the right judgments about people and situations and my right to intrude into the flow of events happening to someone else. I always take things from a deeper perspective and feel responsible for my actions, whether good or bad.

                    I am not sure anymore that I did the right thing by bailing him out because it led this person to more irresponsible behavior knowing that he can get away with it. It felt like a war when we were out there and the decision had to be made fast. I took a risk because I used a company’s credit card and could have been kicked out of job for this if I had a less humanitarian workplace – and he knows it too! It does not feel good for me to know that I have just played the humiliating role of another “rich mamma” in his life. What completely kills me here is the broken trust. “Almost broken trust” I must say, because I still want to give him a chance to correct this mess by himself without me stepping into the picture and telling him what to do. I expect him to act as a spiritual person as he claimed to be. Still with me here? :0)
                    I can be tolerant for a long time and give people chances, but once someone is out, he is out for good – no comeback. I want to give people time because I am afraid to make wrong judgements not knowing all circumstances.

                    But maybe I am completely missing the point and you have a more robust solution for me. I am very interested to hear about your perspective and get a piece of advice.
                    • DEE
                      offline 9

                      Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                      Mon, May 11, 2009 - 10:34 AM
                      it seems that many scorps approach things very similarly.... they will give their friends and acquaintances chances, but will completely shut people out once they're fed up.

                      perhaps i may be too cynical... if it seems like sketchiness is a pattern behavior in someone, i lose my tolerance for them very quickly. honestly, i think you should cut your losses and either pursue the money or cut him off completely before you are hurt any more. if you dwell on this situation i think you might become overly obsessive and hurt yourself much more in the long run. i know that scorps are very much "jump in the deep end" types of people, but i think you have enough warning here to show that this is gonna end badly...
                      • Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                        Tue, May 12, 2009 - 1:18 AM
                        You are right, I should try to take it easy... But thank you so much for understanding, you really read it well! :0)
                        • Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                          Tue, May 26, 2009 - 8:11 AM
                          Awww ohmygod, ohmygod, I was totally freaking out as I read this because there are such glaring similarities between a situation between myself and a guy who was a Cancer Sun/Pisces Moon. And you're going through all that trouble to learn French and visit his town... I can totally understand how he could have drawn you in like that, I just hope it's actually worth it... I'm a Scorpio as well with a Cancer Moon (makes me get really attached to things, people, I guess). But my Cancer Sun/Pisces Moon guy, he COMPLETELY drew me and we had SUCH a connection, he would constantly mail my phone every single day for about 3 months (we only met in person maybe 3-4 times). Then he went on vacation, came back, and ended it out of nowhere. A month later he was with a new girl, and not only was he with her, but they MOVED INTO AN APARTMENT TOGETHER. I totally couldn't understand this because he used to say "I've never felt this way before" during sex (sorry if it's TMI) and he kept acting like he wanted to have a relationship with me by saying things like "okay, so this is how to get from my house to my station, so remember it for future times" and he gave me a toothbrush at his house and told me he'll keep if for me for whenever I come back...and his friends said he kept talking about me and getting into a relationship with me. So I was seriously sooooooO led on, and so EXTREMELY hurt after he ended our seeing each other, especially after he got into a new relationship soo quickly and moved in with the girl. He seriously broke my heart and I still can't get over it completely 2 years later. I've had at least 30+ dreams about him since then and I really don't know what to do. I'm really really trying to get over it and stay over it, but I can't control how I feel. I've had chances with other guys but I have just pushed them away because I can't bring myself to be interested again.
                          • DEE
                            offline 9

                            Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                            Wed, May 27, 2009 - 1:53 PM
                            that really sucks.... we cancer/pisces can be very fickle....
                            • Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                              Thu, May 28, 2009 - 8:47 AM
                              Wow Lily,

                              I'm sorry for your pain. I went through similar stuff with another Cancer and it's only been 8 months since we split..and I'm still hurting too. The dreams, well, I can relate to that too. And given that you're dreaming him, he's very likely thinking/dreaming of you too. Doesn't mean he wants to get back together with you. It's a very tough road,getting over a Cancer. Rather, we don't get over them. But healing and moving on with life is the purpose. Letting go is really hard as well...especially when they consciously or unconsciously emotionally manipulate you. So its not all you. Some of them are just not good at owning up to manipulating you or hurting you.
                              • Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                                Sat, May 30, 2009 - 7:58 AM
                                How interesting about the dreams... This is something I wanted to keep to myself, but I can see I am not the only one... Those dreams where a big reason why I kept myself in this fog for a while. They came at least once a week every time with a different scenario: I saw us in opera, on board of a ship, then there were separate dreams his father, mother, brothers whom I never met, him with a naked chick, then a strange dream of him burning in fire and screaming... A few recent dreams were about him dedicating me his poetry and writing me a love letter. It's probably nothing more than my sick subconsciousness :0) I am almost sure that he has just found someone who is younger and lives nearby. The situation with me could get too challenging and since he does not have the means to keep up the good image and guts to change his lifestyle, he decided to settle for something effortless...

                                I was a bit shocked though when I came accross cancer prognosis for 2009 - it matches his situation quite closely: carmic debt since winter, problems with money and housing after Jan 25 (exactly when it all started!), problems with siblings (he told me too), well... some passionate love (unlikely it would be me :0)

                                I am going to France, but not because of him, just looking for new experiences and new energy. I might give him a quick call while I am there, but inside I have decided to let him go and forgive him the debt... Everything is in God's hands, but I already put him in Judas' basket - Judas Iscariot :( - sold his soul for 1000 bucks... what a shame...

                            • Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                              Sat, May 30, 2009 - 8:09 AM
                              Hi DEE,

                              Can you perhaps elaborate on this? Does it mean it is easy to dump and forget someone with a soulmate potential or it means that you see this potential quite ofthen in women?

                              As a scorpio I cannot pretend with my feelings, be all over a person and then abruptly leave him and switch to someone else. It is hard enough to find a match who can turn you on both physically and mentally. That's why it is always interesting what could be the driving forces of such behavior. :0)
                            • Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                              Sat, May 30, 2009 - 8:21 AM
                              Hi DEE,

                              Can you perhaps elaborate on this? Does it mean it is easy to dump and forget someone with a soulmate potential or it means that you see this potential quite ofthen in women?

                              As a scorpio I cannot pretend with my feelings, be all over a person and then abruptly leave him and switch to someone else. It is hard enough to find a match who can turn you on both physically and mentally. That's why it is always interesting what could be the driving forces of such behavior. :0)
                              • DEE
                                offline 9

                                Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                                Mon, June 8, 2009 - 6:41 PM
                                well, i don't know about the "soul mate" aspect of it... i generally find it very difficult to connect to people, regardless of their sun and moon signs. so no, i don't find soul mate potential often. i suspect it may have something to do with my sag rising aloofness, but i really don't know. i may find people charming, but i find it just as easy to put them behind me. to discern whether or not i think that the woman has soul mate potential, then i'd need a loooooooooong look at her; i am not one to fall head over heels for someone right off the bat. it could take, literally, years for me to decide whether or not she is the one i want. so if i were casually seeing someone, i can quite easily get over it if i (or she) were to let it go.

                                it's funny that you say that about being a scorpio; the last scorpio woman i dated wasn't serious, but we had a good time together and i told her i wanted to get serious, and i thought we'd just take it slow since she had just gotten out of a long term engagement; we kissed and cuddled, spent some nights together (no sex), and out of nowhere she started seeing someone else and i didn't even realize it till we went to lunch one day and she said, "Hey, I'M not the one here without a significant other" and i was floored by it. it hurt, but i was like, whatever--she led me on, boo hoo. life goes on. and later she wondered why i stopped texting and calling her and even called me an asshole for doing so... weird. (and no, her "significant other" was not her ex)
                                • Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                                  Thu, June 18, 2009 - 2:36 AM
                                  He-he, I understand your scorpio girl. Scorpions always like to show that they have OPTIONS if even they are in a steady relationship.

                                  Well, mid June, so far no trace of the French cancer, silencio.. I am going to France for the whole month of July, but definitely not with the purpose to see him, just want to explore French Riviera and meet new people. I am not obsessed with him anymore, but deep down it hurts. Why? I don't trust people easily and if I do, it can kill me if someone acts unnoble. I cannot find any other reasonable explanation apart from the one that I got betrayed because I allowed myself to be fooled by someone's cynical game. Or maybe I am wrong and I don't know all the aspects... Do cancers have similar tendency as scorps to torture and sting themselves for screwing things up? Do they tend to isolate themselves to fix things up?

                                  However, it is unlikely in this case. He is probably just a poor junkie, a survivor, trying to overcome his depressive maniac symptoms ... Clinging into people when he feels lonely and disposes them after they meet his needs... Suffering from a lack of love, manipulating people to give him what he craves and getting spiteful after he gets what he asked for... A boy. Poor thing caught in his own mind games...

                                  His birthday is coming up, I am thinking of texting him the greetings. I don't even expect him to have the guts at least to say thank you.
                                  • Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                                    Fri, June 19, 2009 - 11:57 AM
                                    Please don't text him birthday greetings. My cancer ex's bday is coming up too but I don't plan on it. Why should I? Or you for that matter. Don't do it! You'll wind up feeling worse.
                                  • DEE
                                    offline 9

                                    Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                                    Fri, June 19, 2009 - 3:21 PM
                                    well, options or not, it was very hurtful of her.

                                    anyhow, don't text him. it just feeds into his ego! i know how it hurts when we find out we are wrong about something. it sucks.
                                    • Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                                      Mon, June 22, 2009 - 2:38 PM
                                      ok, I won't text. You guys have so many contradictions... DEE, just read your own message: "It was very hurtful of her." And later: "Don't text him, it feeds into his ego". Those statements are mutually exclusive :-) I would want to show that I have options in case if I want to punish someone's ego when it has grown enormously. Maybe it is a scorp's way, maybe my own..

                                      For example, I would be hurt if someone ignored my birthday. But if this someone makes a step towards me, it would make me melt and and by no chance will "feed my ego". Even if I did not care about a person and have completely forgotten about his/her existence and this person showed me the care. I doubt though I could completely forget about someone under given circumstances... Perhaps cannabis helps him...

                                      But I think it is a good advise and thank you! Perhaps he even expect that that the "good old mama" will send b-day greetings. But I still think I don't want to miss the chance and pay him an unexpected visit when I am in France. By now I have regained my sobriety completely and want to finish this story. No bs.
                                      • Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                                        Wed, July 1, 2009 - 12:56 PM
                                        Today is his birthday. Part of me wants to reach. The other part of me wants to insult him. My logic and gut are screaming at me to DO NOTHING.
                                        • Re: Cancer Sun / Pisces Moon

                                          Thu, July 9, 2009 - 12:37 AM
                                          I actually ended up texting him quick b-day greetings, why not? I did not expect any reply, but maybe he felt better about himself. Self esteem is always a good thing to have.
                                          I am in South France now, really cool. There are lots of guys like him sitting around in those small outdoor cafees - with the same hair- and clothing styles, facial expressions... Looks like they don't take life and money too seriously here - it explains a lot. I brushed through this story with some locals and found out that they just simply have a different way of approaching things, not as heavily... But in the same time all told me he is hiding because he lost his face in front of me and for a French guy it is a killer. "You can always get up after you have been crawling in the mud, but those you saw you, will never forget your facial expression when you were down there" - by the way, French expression.
                                          I am on my way to further investigation :-))

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